Funny Jokes About Gamblers & Gambling At www.CasinoPokerPlace.com


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GAMBLING JOKES
DOGGY POKER
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.
"This is a very smart dog.", the man commented.
"Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand
he wags his tail."

LOTTERY MAN
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house
by noon!"

THE POLISH LOTTERY
Did you hear about the $20,000,000 Poland Lottery?
The winner gets $20 a year for a million years.

LAST HAND
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after 2:00 A.M. when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"
Roger said: "OK, that's it, guys, this is positively the last deal."

ROULETTE BET
A woman was in a casino for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always caught her attention. She decides to play at the roulette table and she says, "I have no idea what number to play."
A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts $100 on number 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The smile drifts from the woman's face and she faints.

BLACK JACK TIP
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?"
The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?"
"Yes."
"Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."
"OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."

A "TRUE" APOLOGY LETTER
Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

ASIAN CASINO
"My husband's going to a casino in central Asia."
"Tibet?"
"Of course, why else would he go?"

GETTING BACK
If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first.

BLACK JACK QUESTION
Question: When is the only time you split tens?
Answer: When the Black Jack table is full and a hot blonde is waiting for an open seat.

OLD LADY QUESTION
Question: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say, F*ck?
Answer: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

FRIDAYS IN HELL
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca. And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow, that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: 'Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Guy: No...
Satan: Ooooh (grimaces). Then you're going to hate Fridays.

LOTS OF SCREWING
A man who was sitting at a blackjack table in a small casino was surprised to be paid when his hand tied the dealer's hand of 18.
"It's a new rule here," said the dealer, "The house pays on ties." A short while later, the guy gets blackjack and is paid off at 10 to 1 odds.
"The house pays ties and gives 10 to 1 on blackjack?" he asked the dealer.
"How can you afford to do it?"
"I don't own the place," says the dealer, "I just work here. Besides, the owner is upstairs with my wife, and I'm doing the same thing to him down here!"

BLONDE WINNER
A young sexy blonde went to Las Vegas. She had been in the casino for when she decided to walk around. When she passed the sodapop machine, she decided to put $1.00 in and a Pepsi came out. So, she put another $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out. She put a third dollar in and another Pepsi came out.
A man saw her, and he said: "What are you doing?"
The sexy blonde said: "Duh!!! I'm winning!!!"

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